Countdown...to what... I just don't know.
Hello world...
Its August...and what do I have to countdown to? Plenty:
Birthday: 5 days
Kicked off of parents health insurance: Yay! 5 days (thank you America)
Parents Anniversary: 4 (a day before my birthday, were they trying to steal my shine? ...I think so)
Anniversary with my other half : 18 days
First day of class: 20 something days
GRADUATION!!!!!: 9 months (its been a long time coming world)
(Insert thing that happens after graduation) : Unknown
I would like to bring your attention to the last countdown. EXHIBIT A: The unknown. The, oh sh*t back to life back to reality moment. The, I have to pay off student loans so I better have an income moment. The, your grown now get your life together or everyone and their mother will judge you moment.
So what is that moment? Jesus? God? Can I get a que? (seriously I've been praying for these answers because Lord knows a B.F.A. in photography is a highly sought after degree ;) that opens planty of doors on its own...said no one...ever)
But Let me back track over the past year thus far.
Last year I was in a world of doubt, frustration, and worry. I didn't trust myself as a photographer and I thought I would have to make a living doing the dreaded wedding photography thing (God bless those who love it...it literally crushes my soul)
But a million prayers and 1 vision board later, a year I believed would be like any other has turned out to be a year of adventure and getting to know myself. Here are some notes from my trips (thank you God for scholarships)
Cuba: I went from a world of commercialism to a world of Passion. An artist by the name of Roberto Diago. Spoke to me about racial issues. He said he had something to show me. A few minutes later he is placing a piece of paper in my hand. The original ownership documents of a black slave girl in Cuba, the same age as me. I broke down in tears- its the closest I've been (physically) to my own history...that history is heartbreaking and motivating all at the same time.
Philly: Road trip with my other half and good friends for a music festival (The Roots Picnic). Not so life changing but I treated myself to some fun. Something I haven't financially been able to do in a long time (thank you refund check). But lets not mention the physical and emotional challenge of partying in the hot sun from 11 in the morning to 11 at night with nowhere to sit...So I guess it did affect my life in some way.
Maine: Mini Road trip to take a class with Andrea Modica. Best part sitting on top of a stone castle with the class hearing her talk about her career. I realized in that moment that it could be real for me just as it is for her. I also was coerced into going on a night shoot in a meadow. (remember this for my next story) With grass an other nature things up to my belly button, I went with a group of friends- Code name "Art Camp" to shoot at night. There were bugs. There were coyotes howling. and Im pretty sure we were trespassing..as in not supposed to be where I originally didn't want to be in the first place. This city girl, right here- was not in her comfort zone but it turned out to be a good time. And I saw a fire fly for the first time....I thought they were suburban myths..nope they are real... like red phones.
Colorado: I was super nervous to go out west alone. I've never been and I didn't know anyone else who would be there. This is the first trip of my life where I literally was alone and knew no one. Did I mention I knew no one. So I land to catch a connecting flight. The airpots on the west coast make prayer announcements - who would've thunk. But after the "call for prayer" I board the plane to Aspen. I see someone sitting in my row reading the book I was assigned for my class with photographer, Amy Arbus and the actor/ writer, James Lecesne (ahhhhhh for them both). Long story made short story- she was not only in my class but she was my roommate (Wont he do it). Me and her click automatically. Boom at that moment I knew someone.
In class I get an assignment to photograph the family of James Lecesne (Check out his show in New york right now “The Absolute Brightness of Leonard Pelkey”) ...I was super nervous but it was honestly one of the best assignments of my life and I am now making books of the photographs for him and his family. I learned that I have actually learned a few things from studying photography since middle school- and I may be a photographer after all.
Side note: I just stood up to get some food and it reminded me about how difficult it was too eat on Colorado. for one I had altitude sickness and had to buy oxygen in a can (whaaaa?). For two (I know "for (insert number)" isn't a real saying- ignore my grammar) I don't eat beef or pork...and in the wild west everything is beef or pork, and if you dont eat that they assume you must be a vegetarian. So I lost some of the wight I've been trying to loose- thank you west coast.
I did other things in Colorado. remember when I told you I was afraid of shooting at night in a meadow? Well the whole trip in colorado I was terrified of bears. Petrified. So tell me how, in the middle of the night, I was taken on a half hour hike up a mountain... in boat shoes? The fatigue probably kept my guard down...but I let of group of people who do these kind of things on the regular convince me...against my better judgement. A sky of clouds the whole way up...just to make things a darker shade of pitch black...one deer sighting...and two bloody feet (from the boat shoes) later, I'm laying on the top of this mountain surrounded by bigger mountains staring at the stars. The clouds disappear and a full moon appears surrounded by a rainbow.....
Annnnnnd we found it, the metaphor for the whole point of this post.
I feel like I'm walking in the dark right now but I'm hoping the skies will open up and it will all make sense when it is supposed to. Ive grown as person and an artist and it all has to be for a reason....I will keep you posted when I figure that reason out.
Bless,
Candice
P.S. I did my yearly trip to Puerto Rico and have been offered a solo show for next summer =) + for my birthday Im going to Tampa to visit my bestest Prima Ever. On our schedules.. beach. beach. beach. Except Tampa has been flooding all month sooooooo we may be trying to tan under the clouds... I dont know what this would be a metaphor for...but I'm sure its a positive thing, right?