Countdown...to what... I just don't know.

Hello world...

Its August...and what do I have to countdown to? Plenty: 

Birthday: 5 days 

Kicked off of parents health insurance: Yay! 5 days (thank you America) 

Parents Anniversary: 4 (a day before my birthday, were they trying to steal my shine? ...I think so)

Anniversary with my other half : 18 days

First day of class: 20 something days  

GRADUATION!!!!!: 9 months (its been a long time coming world) 

(Insert thing that happens after graduation) : Unknown 

I would like to bring your attention to the last countdown. EXHIBIT A: The unknown. The, oh sh*t back to life back to reality moment. The, I have to pay off student loans so I better have an income moment. The, your grown now get your life together or everyone and their mother will judge you moment. 

So what is that moment? Jesus? God? Can I get a que? (seriously I've been praying for these answers because Lord knows a B.F.A. in photography is a highly sought after degree ;) that opens planty of doors on its own...said no one...ever) 

But Let me back track over the past year thus far. 

Last year I was in a world of doubt, frustration, and worry. I didn't trust myself as a photographer and I thought I would have to make a living doing the dreaded wedding photography thing (God bless those who love it...it literally crushes my soul)

But a million prayers and 1 vision board later, a year I believed would be like any other has turned out to be a year of adventure and getting to know myself. Here are some notes from my trips (thank you God for scholarships) 

Cuba: I went from a world of commercialism to a world of Passion.  An artist by the name of Roberto Diago. Spoke to me about racial issues. He said he had something to show me. A few minutes later he is placing a piece of paper in my hand. The original ownership documents of a black slave girl in Cuba, the same age as me. I broke down in tears- its the closest I've been (physically) to my own history...that history is heartbreaking and motivating all at the same time. 

Philly: Road trip with my other half and good friends for a music festival (The Roots Picnic). Not so life changing but I treated myself to some fun. Something I haven't financially been able to do in a long time (thank you refund check). But lets not mention the physical and emotional challenge of partying in the hot sun from 11 in the morning to 11 at night with nowhere to sit...So I guess it did affect my life in some way. 

Maine: Mini Road trip to take a class with Andrea Modica. Best part sitting on top of a stone castle with the class hearing her talk about her career.  I realized in that moment that it could be real for me just as it is for her. I also was coerced into going on a night shoot in a meadow. (remember this for my next story) With grass an other nature things up to my belly button, I went with a group of friends- Code name "Art Camp" to shoot at night. There were bugs. There were coyotes howling. and Im pretty sure we were trespassing..as in not supposed to be where I originally didn't want to be in the first place. This city girl, right here- was not in her comfort zone but it turned out to be a good time. And I saw a fire fly for the first time....I thought they were suburban myths..nope they are real... like red phones. 

Colorado: I was super nervous to go out west alone. I've never been and I didn't know anyone else who would be there. This is the first trip of my life where I literally was alone and knew no one. Did I mention I knew no one. So I land to catch a connecting flight. The airpots on the west coast make prayer announcements - who would've thunk. But after the "call for prayer" I board the plane to Aspen. I see someone sitting in my row reading the book I was assigned for my class with photographer, Amy Arbus and the actor/ writer, James Lecesne (ahhhhhh for them both). Long story made short story- she was not only in my class but she was my roommate (Wont he do it). Me and her click automatically. Boom at that moment I knew someone. 

In class I get an assignment to photograph the family of James Lecesne (Check out his show in New york right now “The Absolute Brightness of Leonard Pelkey”) ...I was super nervous but it was honestly one of the best assignments of my life and I am now making books of the photographs for him and his family. I learned that I have actually learned a few things from studying photography since middle school- and I may be a photographer after all. 

Side note: I just stood up to get some food and it reminded me about how difficult it was too eat on Colorado. for one I had altitude sickness and had to buy oxygen in a can (whaaaa?). For two (I know "for (insert number)" isn't a real saying- ignore my grammar) I don't eat beef or pork...and in the wild west everything is beef or pork, and if you dont eat that they assume you must be a vegetarian. So I lost some of the wight I've been trying to loose- thank you west coast. 

I did other things in Colorado. remember when I told you I was afraid of shooting at night in a meadow? Well the whole trip in colorado I was terrified of bears. Petrified. So tell me how, in the middle of the night, I was taken on a half hour hike up a mountain... in boat shoes? The fatigue probably kept my guard down...but I let of group of people who do these kind of things on the regular convince me...against my better judgement. A sky of clouds the whole way up...just to make things a darker shade of pitch black...one deer sighting...and two bloody feet (from the boat shoes) later, I'm laying on the top of this mountain surrounded by bigger mountains staring at the stars. The clouds disappear and a full moon appears surrounded by a rainbow.....

Annnnnnd we found it, the metaphor for the whole point of this post.

I feel like I'm walking in the dark right now but I'm hoping the skies will open up and it will all make sense when it is supposed to. Ive grown as person and an artist and it all has to be for a reason....I will keep you posted when I figure that reason out.

Bless, 

Candice 

P.S. I did my yearly trip to Puerto Rico and have been offered a solo show for next summer =) + for my birthday Im going to Tampa to visit my bestest Prima Ever. On our schedules.. beach. beach. beach. Except Tampa has been flooding all month sooooooo we may be trying to tan under the clouds... I dont know what this would be a metaphor for...but I'm sure its a positive thing, right? 

"Its not about business, its about PASSION"

Hello World,

When I started this website, I thought it would be a place to find customers, and a place where customers could find me. I wanted to show my work to the world in an attempt to make some money? I use a question mark on the statement because I don't believe I was consciously making that choice. 

I feel like, here in the states, we are inadvertently taught to take the thing we love, the thing that makes us tic, and either use it as a tool to make money (i.e. weddings photography, advertisement and marketing etc.), or put it to the side as we pursue more "practical" ways of life. 

This was my priority list when I made this site: 

Create site

Get the word out

Create price list

Charge people 

Make them look all super-cali-fragilsitic-expi-ala-docious 

Get paid.

...rinse and repeat. 

But the problem is, thats not what makes me tic. Grant it, I hope to make money off of what I do, but I want it to be under my own terms. I recently was blessed with a chance to travel to Cuba and something hit me while standing in line for a club (for 2 hours...the old me, the out for a good time in Miami me, is rolling her eyes at a two hour wait, but when in "Habana"...) The tour guide Jesus, promised this was one of the best places to be, he went on to explain that the club only plays live music, its very popular, and opens from the hours of 12 am. - 3 am. (I got in line at 10 and the line was already going down the street). 

Im not a club person per say but I love good music, and even I know thats a short amount of time to par-tay. Miami clubs are open from Dusk to dawn, In Boston you have to be out the house early because everything is shutting down at 2 am. Mind you we had to pay to get into this place- and once they found out we were from "Estado Unidos" they were all like yeah...the entry price just went up. So not only is the club loosing out on money in my eyes, but the customers are being cheated, paying for what seems like a blink of an eye of a good time. 

Back to me standing in line with Jesus... I asked him how being open from 12 am.- 3 am. could be good for business (a loaded question when talking about a business in Cuba) he looked at me confused...uh oh did I say something I wasn't supposed to say?? 

"Its not about business, its about passion" 

Shut down by jesus.  

And thats when it hit me. No matter how one may feel about whats going on in Cuba, the one thing that in undeniable is its abundance of passion- and life- like real "in the moment" life. 

Not to sound all "hippie conspiracy theorist" and junk but I realized that my mentality has been molded by the society around me. It never occurred to me that photography could be my passion in life for the "soul" purpose of being my passion. Why was I stressing about the money- because thats what I have been taught to do...In reality its what I need to do. I want to be self sufficient...but just like the club (with the line down the block) wanted the best experience possible for the customers...three hours for one band a night...and lets worry about the money later. I need to follow my passion if Im really going to give this things a fighting chance in a land plagued with 9-5 work days. 

I have a year and a half left of school...lets see what I can do with that time. 

New Priorities...

Do me. Care less about the rest. 

End of the semester update

So the semester comes to a close. This semester was a test if I have ever seen one. I don't know what you believe in but if it weren't for my prayers I would have either A. broken down in pathetic crocodile tears every week. B. eaten my way to happiness (I tried this, but a half a box of bbq chicken pizza later I wasn't feeling to great...okay maybe eating like that is just a habit of mine, having nothing to do with emotion...I just like food...I'm greedy...forgive me father) or C. Ran far far away from the photography department halls and never have returned ( I tried this too, but if you know my history of transferring you know I've done it many..many...many.. times before... I was not about to start all over again, and thats exactly why I am stuck right where I am supposed to be. )

But thanks to Jesus, I kept going. 

Why was this semester so hard? Many things, but I don't want to pick at old wounds. Plus its over.  But the one issues I do feel I need to speak on is confidence. 

Art school can really test how much you support yourself. I have doubted myself every step of the way but I am learning very quickly that self doubt will only kill my goal before it is obtained. besides  its MY ART...not the professor, not the other students...Mine, mine, all ,mine. So to the 5 hour critiques that are stifling to the soul- kick rocks. 

Something I am happy about. I am going to CUBA!!!! I am crazy excited there are a lot of awesome artist in Cuba, and I am hoping to "like totally" have some kind of artistic awakening, ya digg.

Seriously though if you don't know artist like Roberto Fabelo,  Wilfredo Lam, or Mabel. Check them out. Amazing artist from Cuba who use their work to really say something. 

Thats enough rambling, its officially a few days from Christmas and in true Candice Jackson form I have done zero shopping- wish me luck! 

Seasons Greetings World. 

Living The Dream-No one said it would be glamorous

So once upon a time I had a dream. Nothing deep like  Martin Luther King Jr. but it was a dream nonetheless. My dream was to go to Art school (cue studio audience: OOOOOO, AHHHHH). Yes Art school, pretty, creative, shiny, and bright art school. 

What did  I want to study? ....Photography. My Passion. The craft I learned at a random summer camp in middle school. 

I've spoken before about how I didn't follow my dreams straight out of school (please refer to blog post numero uno) but what I want touch on today is the tendency to "romanticize" things in our heads. 

In my head: 

Art school, A-Maze-Ing. Creatively stimulating. Fun. Exciting. Im so ready to be the next Picasso of the photography world. Can I do it- duh I got this in the bag.

In Real Life:

Art School: Expensive. demanding. Expensive. Stressful. Creatively suffocating.  Expensive. no diversity. Full of hours and hours of listening to the opinions of others- opinions that you don't necessarily care for, or ask for, or need, or want, or desire, or care for- for hoursssss. I appreciate critique, I'm growing so much from it but honestly sometimes, I feel as though I am paying thousands of dollars a semester to just listen to other people speak about their opinions. It fine when your in a class learning facts but when you work is hanging on a wall and someone says: "I feel like you should have" *Insert thing that didn't happen so isn't relevant to the photo at all like," taken this picture from an airplane on a rainy day to make this photo successful", you can't help but reminisce about the simple days at "regular college" when I had "regular classes" and all people spoke about was actual facts like, "Plato believed this" and "if you carry the one and add the two you get your answer". 

So as I was listing to Tupac (THUG LYFE..CLICK..CLICK) and doing my hair today, all of these thoughts floated through my brain. Lately, I have been complaining about all of my misery at Art school- this was a life long dream and its actually happening and its supposed to be A-MAZE-ING, Right? 

No. 

Then I thought to myself (as I was sitting under the dryer, cooking myself). But I'm actually here. In school studying something I love. And I never thought it would actually happen. 

So..whats my point? 

Thanks for asking...

My point is, even though the dream isn't as pretty as I made it out to be, I am blessed to be where I am right now...broke, balling my eyes out, frustrated at times, and stressed, but BLESSED. I have a dream that is coming true right now, and that means that I can soon check this off the list and come up with the next step. Had I never went after this and found out how difficult it is, I would have always been stuck way back somewhere thinking; What if  I went to Art school? 

Now that part is done and my mind is stuck on Whats Next? 

Becoming the next Picasso of photography...still a possibility =) 

Moral of my rant...dreams aren't always as pretty as they may seem, but if it really means something to you, it is worth it.

Puerto Rico

I'm with my family in the "Island of Enchantment", better known as, Puerto Rico. I love being here, its like Gods reset button for candice. I eat a lot, read a lot, eat some more, go to the beach, eat again, visit some familiar faces, attempt to workout to burn off the food intake followed by a post workout snack, and take time to unwind from a hectic year. 

One of my favorite things to do is visit the art festival in San Juan that happens every July at El Morro (The fort in San Juan) and its full of get this- ART...being sold by...The Artist...Whaaaa?!- Yeah I know crazy right? Call me a lame but a good art festival with some ice cold CoCo and BBQ Pinchos is a better time then any bar or club. Truly connecting with people who are passionate about something is powerful...it rubs off on you.

That gets me to my point. I know I spoke in my last post about not taking that many pictures this summer. But so far I have been putting things in motion to get some shoots in while in PR. I have a few portraits coming up, a fashion shoot (fingers crossed on that one) and a shoot to promote a jewelry company (details and links coming soon).

I kept out a little secret about the art festival. I am a usual...and I'm pretty sure I freak at least one person out.

The nicest looking old man who makes all his jewelry from raw materials, sits at his table every year...his jewelry is the only jewelry I wear on an every day basis and I get soooooooooooooo excited to find his booth to add to my collection. But I'm pretty sure my enthusiasm scares him because when he sees me coming he-and his sly self- looks the other way, or into the air (the booth is under a tent dude, your not looking at the sky) and pretends he doesn't see me coming. 

Does this deter me....No. "Heyyyyyyy" I say big smile on deck..."Oh Hi."he says fast and to the point. End of conversation... Deep down I know he likes me. 

Anyways I bought 3 of his pieces and he begged me to take photos of his work after I disclosed my crazy/dope/supercalifragilsitic skills to him...??? Nope, not at all. 

Actually in the row over from him is another table belonging to someone I have actually made friends with. She is my age, makes jewelry by hand stamped with words like "Negrita", "Jibara", and quotes about being a strong woman, has natural hair with a section dyed green, and just so happens to be awesome and full of crazy positive energy (goal for this year: Find sources of crazy positive energy and surround myself with it/them, soak it all up and send it back into the world- insert peace sign and hearts-) 

Well we got to talking and she really wants to do a collab project where I can take photos and she can show off her work. WIN WIN. 

So im hoping to have three projects coming out of PR with me. Along with my weekly blog post, and editing photos from this year, plus (maybe) a video project, this summer is looking very productive. Look out world i'm on a rollllllllllllllllllll. Polished pictures and behind the scene photos coming soon! 

p.s. still no phone, so I haven't had much of a chance to work on my communication skills. But at least the blog is happening **Cheeeeseee** 

Wow June 10th?!

Its been almost a full month since my first blog! Inexcusable, Unacceptable, Unfathomable, RE-Donkuluss!

What happened may you ask?

Simple answer?

Okay here you have it: Life

Im new to this blog thing. Those who know me, like really know me, know communication via technology is not my strong suit (I prefer to save my strengths for other areas such as talking in person, or writing hand written letters- Shout out to my Abuela Pen Pal since way back), seriously I feel like I was born in the wrong decade. I would much rather get a post card in the mail when a friend or relative is traveling over a text message of their "selfie"

What I prefer is person to person interaction and to be honest I find technology super draining- thats why I keep my phone on silent and I miss everyones phone calls and texts...let not even mention my e-mails (There is a coma in my e-mail notifications- but don't tell anyone)... (Sorry loved ones...but I know the love is real because you still stick around). 

Brief intermission: My phone has recently been stolen. To the person that stole it Thank you and "bleep" you all at the same time. Now I have a real excuse to not pick up but no way to communicate with people when I need to or want to...so I hope karma kicks you in the butt and hugs you all at the same time. The end. 

Back to what I was saying. 

Anyways... since my last post I have actually traveled all the way to France for my friends wedding (Congrats Kendrick and Marine!) . France was a great time. LOVE PARIS and all its fancy fashionable people. But you would think I would blog about it. Nope. Fail. 

I went to a Damian Marley concert (Life dream. Accomplished. Check!) It was amazing! Such positive vibes and true artistry on that stage. Did I blog? No.

I photographed a reggae concert (first concert "gig" ever- Check) Making me one step closer to actually photographing Damian Marley (Another life long dream- Pending). It will happen one day. Music is my inspiration - photography is my medium. I def blogged about that. No. Not at all.

I guess I have just been trying to be in the moment and soak in whats going on around me. I always have so much going on in my head its hard to be present- and technology just clouds my headspace even more. But as I venture into this world of Art and Photography I'm going to need to balance myself more and let the world know more about who I am.

So here is my challenge. 1 Blog post a week...I hope no one is reading this. Please don't hold me to it. But here I go Lets see how far I get. 

Wish me luck ...Blessings to you all! 

Just the Beginning

So I'm not sure if anyone is listening, but this is my first ever blog post on my first ever website…It has been a loooooooong time coming. 

Let me give you some information about who I am (in fast forward) 

I am a "BlackaRican" (Black/ Puertorican) born and raised in the wonderful city of Boston.

In middle school I was sent to a summer camp for engineering (? I wasn't too thrilled). But thennn…this laid back teacher stuck a camera in my hand and taught me how to develop and print my own film and I kind of fell in love with the craft.

I Took pictures all through middle and high school in my own time, photographing and editing for hours at a time.

Next, during my last two months of high school, I left on a student exchange trip to China. The deal was I could go as long as I did homework there and created an art portfolio for my AP class. I thought I was going to sketch my way through China but I was missing one point- I don't like to draw- okay well I'm just not that great at it- okay you caught me I don't have the patience for it. Sooo instead of drawing I took lots and lots of photographs

I got back to school two months later- panicked. I had no work to show my teacher. I tried to avoid her at all cost and one day she found me looking through my photographs from China on the computer…"Wow! This is your portfolio work?! she said"…Why yes it is….(Now) =) "hmmm You kind of have an eye for photography you should study it."

And I thought to myself- NO. I need to make a living…are you crazy?  

So I graduated high school and studied education while working in special needs classrooms. Yet again I was surprised- I loved being in the classroom…my student quickly became like family. 

BUT I would catch myself thinking and thinking and thinking about photography and art school. So what do you think I did next? …..Drum rollllllll please….

Yup, you guessed it! I stayed in school for education and continued to work- Go me! 

…I took the "safe" route until...

"Safe" meant getting laid off every summer due to budget cuts and school closings and I said. I might as will tough it out going after my passion.

And here I am a rising Junior at a school for art and design, on track to receive an B.F.A in Photography.

People Listen...I graduated in 2007 at the age of 17! I am 24 and still trucking…yeah Sometimes I have mini meltdowns especially when I see friends doing things that 24 year olds do- like renting apartments and..Gasp looking at houses to buy- something far off for me while I focus on education, building my brand, and my identity as an artist. 

I may not be where I pictured myself to be (hehe- pun intended)  

But honestly I believe I am where I am supposed to be…Photography is what makes me tic, and I'd rather tic my way to these strange things called dreams than sit around "safe" in a life that Im not content with.

So I guess this is just a long way of me saying WELCOME to my world this is just the beginning!